Monday, May 9, 2011

Conspiracy Theories from a Reluctant Insomniac

Funny the thoughts that come to occupy the mind at the wee hours of a sleepless night.  Too much caffeine to stay awake during the day... too few Z's at night.   Those are the conditions where most conspiracy theories are born.

His subscription to Time ran out.
Now let me just start out by saying I don't even buy this one.  And it's not even really for sell.

So we all know the story.  The Elite Navy Seals raided Osama bin Ladin's luxury compound in Pakistan in the middle of the night and dropped the dime -- make that a quarter -- on OBL.  Then they buried him at sea.  And that's that, right?  That's what we've been told.

Can't release the picture because that would be in bad taste.  Besides we all know that kind of thing could be easily Photoshopped -- especially since bogus ones were quickly created.  And somehow the bogus ones make not having a real one seem more real.

The Perfect Plan:  Let's just say we made the whole thing up.  Oh, sure we did a "raid"; a charade.  We're best frienemies with Pakistan more or less and they were feeling the pressure to play nice with the USA... so they were okay with our little surprise raid on their airspace without going literally ballistic.  Badda-bing, badda boom: we tell everybody... got him! -- he wasn't in a cave after all.

So he's really not dead... What's he gonna do?  "Hey!  Everyone!  I'm not dead!  I'm over here!"  So that's where he is!  We bomb 'em!

Maybe he'll send out a video tape?  Obviously a fake!

Hey, Daily D, what about his terrorist friends saying he's really dead?
  C'mon, his friends are tired of him.  He's out of money and his cave kinda stinks.

So there you go!  We got him... no matter even if we really didn't.  A brilliant plan!

Yep, that's what I came up with at 4 am.  I think there was a diaper involved in there somewhere.  And like it, that theory stunk... so I also threw it away in the diaper champ.

Now don't get me started on chemtrails.

No comments: